


Forgetting is Easy (But I Can't Forget About You)

by AlexaNDYE



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 04:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5483678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexaNDYE/pseuds/AlexaNDYE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa gets in a horrible car crash and is diagnosed with amnesia. She doesn't remember the last few years, but to Clarke and her, those years mattered the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgetting is Easy (But I Can't Forget About You)

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how this idea came about. I'm sorry.

It wasn’t easy for Clarke to see Lexa in such a weak state.

Lexa was always the strong one. She was the voice that shook the ground, she was the person everyone looked to for answers, and she was the one person Clarke always looked to for guidance. Her hardened gaze, no matter how intimidating, always held some sort of comfort. She was the one that brought people together in times of turmoil, and she was known to be as sturdy as a rock. She was stubborn and blunt at times, but she never let anyone crack the walls in her defense.

Lexa was all of those things, yet there she lay, broken and bruised, and hooked up to various machines in the hospital room.

It was an accident.

A drunk driver, to be specific.

The driver ran a red light and t-boned Lexa’s car from the passenger side. The car flipped twice, scraping against the concrete hard before finally stopping to a halt.

Clarke was first on Lexa’s emergency contact list. _She was always first_.

When Clarke got the call, her phone was the first to drop and her body was the second. She fell to her knees and stared at the hospital’s number on her cellphone; it felt like her heart was being torn apart, chewed up by fate, or whatever people blamed for those types of things. Her heart ached as tears flowed endlessly from the corners of her eyes.

She let out choked sobs and muffled screams, cursing herself for not picking up Lexa when she promised to. She felt every ounce of pain she could possibly feel in those thirty-two seconds.

She first called all of Lexa’s friends and family, and then she called her own.

Clarke was the first person at Lexa’s bedside in the ICU. She held her hand, being careful not to squeeze her bruised hand so hard, but all the pain and anguish she felt for the brunette forced her to squeeze the living shit out of something—anything.

Her palm found the bars on Lexa’s bed, and her knuckles went white as she internally screamed and kicked.

She was never the strong one. It was always Lexa.

Clarke let out one last sob before she let her forehead fall onto the back of Lexa’s hand. She gently rubbed her cheek against the soft skin, dampening it with her tears and refusing to let go.

“Lexa…” she sobbed. “Lexa.”

Amnesic Syndrome.

That’s what the doctors told Clarke on the eighth day following the crash, and it was also the day they announced Lexa’s release from the hospital.

“We do not know the extent of the damage, but to put it short, Ms. Woods… has amnesia. She may have retrograde amnesia, or she may have anterograde amnesia. Our observations are not conclusive,” the doctor said to her with Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, and Monty in the room.

Lexa was being checked up on by a nurse when the doctor pulled them aside to discuss her condition.

Raven was the first to speak, “So, how much has she forgotten? Does she know who we are?”

“We have not asked her any personal questions yet.”

Octavia squeezed one of Clarke’s hands, trying to comfort the blonde as best she could.

Of course Clarke was happy Lexa would be able to make a full recovery and was able to go home, but the doctor’s words of her condition felt like the finishing blow to whatever kind of hell she was in. It was as if she were down for the count, pleading for the pain to subside, and just when she thought it was over, another blow was being delivered, and this time, it was nearing fatality.

Under no circumstances were they to overload Lexa with information she did not know. Overloading a patient with amnesia could result in multiple consequences, such as pain, frustration, and anger.

Lexa’s eyes lit up when everyone filed into the room to see her.

It was a relief to see that she didn’t forget anyone.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Lex,” Clarke murmured as she held her hand. Lexa’s small smile seemed to brighten the entire room.

“It’s nice to see you, too, Clarke.”

“So, amnesia, huh?” Octavia muttered nervously. Monty didn’t know what to say and kept to himself. Raven’s heart ached for Clarke and Lexa, but she swore not to say anything that could be considered an overload of information, so she too kept to herself. Lincoln, on the other hand, followed Octavia’s lead.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Lincoln asked.

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to dig through her mind for a scrap of information, but her memories were jumbled and hazy. All she could do was shrug.

“I’m not exactly sure,” Lexa answered.

Clarke’s grasp on her hand tightened ever so slightly as her heart began to beat faster. She was worried Lexa forgot.

Lincoln and Octavia exchanged looks.

“What about the date?” Lincoln asked.

Octavia nodded. “It’s a start.”

“July,” Lexa muttered. Clarke’s ears perked up. “July 10th.” She paused. “2012.”

Clarke’s heart fell to the bottom of her stomach. She wanted to run to the nearest bathroom and throw up whatever she had for lunch. She couldn’t remember if she even ate lunch that day.

Raven screwed her eyes shut and looked away in sorrow.

“Well, you’re a few years off, Commander,” Lincoln tried his best to lighten the mood, but he could already tell it wouldn’t help.

Lexa looked confused. “Why? What day is it?”

“It’s February 23rd, 2016,” Octavia said with a small, warm smile.

“Oh…” Lexa’s face fell.

Silence fell; the only sound in the room was the beeping of the machines she was still hooked up to.

“Did I miss anything significant?” Lexa asked with curiosity. “Anything I should know?”

“No,” Clarke said curtly. Raven’s eyes snapped to the blonde in sorrow.

“Clarke—“Raven hissed, but Clarke cut her off.

She stroked Lexa’s hand and then tucked a brown curl behind her ear. Lexa couldn’t see it, but the others could; Clarke’s smile was so full of sadness and anger, it was almost too painful to hide.

“You should focus on recovering. Get some rest while we fill out the release forms, okay?”

Lexa nodded. “Okay.”

Everyone but Lincoln followed Clarke out of the room.

Raven was the first to chide Clarke for what she did, “Are you out of your fucking mind, Clarke?”

“Raven—“

“No!” Raven shouted. Visitors, nurses, and doctors snapped their attention to them. With all eyes on them, Raven was forced to suppress her anger and turn her frustration into harsh whispers. “You can’t keep something like this from her, Clarke.”

Clarke glared at Raven with bloodshot eyes and hissed, “You heard what the doctor said, Raven. We’re not supposed to overload her with information.”

“Information, Clarke! This is not _just_ information. This is you, and this is her. She deserves to know.” The words were like spears that impaled Clarke in the heart; she wasn’t even sure if it was beating anymore.

“She doesn’t even remember, Raven.” Clarke shook her head in distraught. “Why should I tell her if she doesn’t even remember?”

“She _does_ remember—“

“No, Raven!” Clarke yelled this time. “You heard her. Lexa thinks its July 10th. That’s a week before _it_ happened! She doesn’t fucking remember.”

“What are you going to do then, Clarke? This is _her_.”

“I know.” Clarke clenched her jaw. “I know.”

“You can’t just let her go.” Raven’s anger turned into sorrow as she rested her hand on Clarke’s shoulder. She didn’t want to see her best friends go through so much pain.

“I know…”

“If you let her figure it out herself, there’s no telling how long it’ll take. It might be months… years, even.”

Clarke’s shoulder sagged in defeat. As much as she wanted to cry, she couldn’t; she had no more tears to shed. She wrapped her arms around Raven and let out dry sobs against her shoulder. Raven held on to her tight and whispered words of comfort, no matter how ineffective they were.

* * *

“This is my place?” Lexa asked as she entered the apartment.

“Yup,” Clarke replied sharply, trying to mask her emotions.

The apartment was spacious – it was a one-bedroom apartment with a small kitchen, living room, and bathroom. The apartment was somewhat furnished; there was a small wooden dining table in the living room with two plastic chairs, one green and one blue. There was a small white leather couch, but no television. The kitchen was complete with a microwave, a small fridge, and an oven, but it looked a bit beat up; the microwave looked like an old model, the kitchen counter tops had some cracks here and there.

The bedroom was indeed furnished as well, but the bed looked like a twin. There was one nightstand next to the bed, and one lamp. There was a large bookshelf across the bed that looked like it could fit countless books, but only six were on the shelf.

Lexa opened the closet and rummaged through her clothes. They were all new to her. Her sneakers, boots, heels, and tennis shoes were laid out on the floor. She recognized a pair or two, but the rest were new to her.

“So, I have three bottles for you,” Clarke announced as she entered the bedroom. She placed the bottles of pills on the nightstand. She did her best to avoid the brunette’s gaze. “You take one of these every six hours.” She pointed at the green labeled bottle. “And one of these…” She pointed at the blue, and black, labeled bottles. “…every four hours.”

Lexa eyed the bottles and simply nodded. “Okay.”

Clarke nervously and cautiously stood in the center of the room, unsure of what to do, or say. “Do… ah… do you want me to leave? I could give you some space. If you need groceries, I can go get them for you. Maybe a new book?”

Lexa knew when Clarke rambled. “Clarke,” she muttered.

Clarke stopped talking, but she didn’t look at her.

“Hey,” Lexa approached her and reached for her hand. Clarke’s heart slammed into her chest when she felt the brunette’s smooth, warm palm press against her own. “Are you okay?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah,” she managed to choke out. This time, she was able to face Lexa. She promised she wouldn’t cry… not in front of Lexa, at least. “I’m fine.” All of the love, the memories, the anger and sadness was wiped from her eyes. Clarke was the first to notice that all of it – all of it was gone. Disappeared, as if they never existed.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded. In a last attempt to hide her feelings, she pulled Lexa in for a tight hug. As she held the brunette, she fought back the tears that threatened to escape. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.”

Lexa relaxed in her embrace and held onto the blonde. “Me, too, Clarke.”

* * *

“I can’t believe you just left her there.” Bellamy shook his head in disbelief.

“What was I supposed to do, Bell? The longer is stayed there, the more it hurt,” Clarke replied as she curled up in her bed and pressed her phone to her ear.

“Okay, maybe I can’t say I understand how you feel, but she’s your best friend.” Bellamy always knew what to say to Clarke. “She’s counting on you to be there for her. I know it hurts, but she needs you. She’s not as close to O and the others as she is to you.”

Clarke sat in silence as she replayed his words over and over in her head.

“How long until she’s allowed to go back to work?”

“Her law firm is giving her a month to recuperate. I spoke to her boss.” Clarke sighed. “When she comes back to work, they want to reevaluate her. You know, make sure she’s still fit for her job.”

“Yeah, I understand.” Pause. “When are you going back to work?”

“I’m needed at the hospital in six hours.”

“You should sleep.”

“I could barely sleep while she was in the hospital. How do you think I’ll be able to sleep now?”

“Clarke…”

Clarke didn’t realize she was crying. “She was always there for me,” she confessed. “She always took care of me… and I can’t even look at her without breaking. What the hell is wrong with me, Bell?”

“There is nothing wrong with you.”

“She’d hate me if she knew.”

“She wouldn’t. Well… She’d yell at you, but she wouldn’t hate you.”

Clarke laughed as she wiped the tears away.

“Please, Clarke, at least think about what Raven said to you.” His voice was full of comfort, sorrow, and worry. “At least think about telling her.”

* * *

“She’s going to find out, Clarke,” Raven told her.

“Shut up…” Clarke mumbled in frustration.

“Just because you moved her things from your guys’ apartment to the old apartment doesn’t mean she’ll believe you.”

“I’m doing what is best for her, Raven.”

“What, by shutting her out?” Raven replied in exasperation. “You’re being a child, Clarke.”

“I’m protecting her.”

“From what? From the truth? You’re being unfair… to her… to yourself… to all of us.”

* * *

At first, the days went by slowly, almost at a snail’s pace, but as Lexa adjusted and adapted to her surroundings, the days flew right by.

Lexa’s recuperation was going well. Raven was the one to tell her about her law firm’s decision for reevaluation, and Lexa wasn’t surprised. She had worked at the firm for over five years. It was only fitting they tested their top lawyer.

Lexa spent most of her time going over her old law books, but other times she relaxed; she would go to the store to buy some books, and would occasionally go out with Lincoln, Octavia, Raven, Monty, and Jasper.

She rarely saw Clarke, but she knew she was always busy at the hospital.

Raven and Octavia were the ones to visit her the most. They’d drop off some food or come by to say hello.

Octavia was the first to tell Lexa of the broken kitchen faucet and the faulty light switch in the living room. At first, she didn’t think anything of it.

“I’ve missed you,” Lexa texted Clarke.

She waited for an answer, but one didn’t come that day.

Clarke would finally replied the next day. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“Want to come over and watch a movie?”

An hour passed.

“I can’t. I’ve got work in the morning.”

Whether or not she was telling the truth, Clarke couldn’t admit how much it hurt to return simple text messages.

* * *

Lexa was in the middle of cooking some chicken noodle soup when she pulled open the utensil drawer. She dug around for a spoon, and found a green and purple one beneath a few chopsticks. She grasped at it and placed it in her soon-to-be-filled bowl, but her eyes couldn’t tear away from the pattern on the handle.

Green and purple. Little flakes of gold.

_“Clarke, did you use my spoon again!?” Lexa shouted from the kitchen._

_Clarke was lounging on the couch in sushi pajama bottoms and a white tank top. “Maybe. Why?”_

_Lexa huffed, “If you’re going to use my forks and spoons, at least wash them after you’re done with them.”_

_Clarke let out a short laugh as the brunette’s sudden anger amused her. “It’s just a spoon, Lex.”_

_“It’s not just a spoon, Clarke. It’s my favorite spoon.”_

_She came up behind the brunette and leaned over her shoulder. “You have a favorite spoon?”_

_“Don’t make fun of me.” She elbowed Clarke in the ribs._

_Clarke let out another laugh. “You’re so cute.”_

Lexa couldn’t place a date or time on the memory, but thinking about it made her head hurt.

* * *

Lexa whipped out her phone and pressed it against her ear. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

“Hurry up, butt face,” Anya said from the other side. “Or else I’m leaving without you.”

Lexa laughed as she tucked her phone back into the pocket of her jeans. She shoved open her closet door as fast as she could and reached for the nearest jacket. Her fingers reached for the lapel and in one swift motion, she yanked it off its hanger.

She grabbed its collar and held it up; she was a second away from putting it on, but something about the coat caught her eye. She furrowed her eyebrows as she stared at it, and that’s when she realized she had never seen the coat before. It wasn’t hers.

_“You’re cold.”_

_“I am not cold,” Lexa replied stubbornly as they hiked up the streets of San Francisco. It was windy that day with the lowest recorded temperatures in the past year._

_“You’re shaking like a leaf, Lexa.” Clarke was obviously taking none of her bullshit. “Here, take my coat.”_

_“No. I don’t need it.”_

_Clarke shrugged off her coat regardless of the brunette’s rebuttals; she yanked on Lexa’s arm and forced her to wear it._

_“What about you?” Lexa asked as she welcomed the warmth._

_“I’ll be fine,” Clarke retorted. “Unlike you, I wore more than two layers.” She held onto Lexa’s arm as they made their way through the streets. “Now, c’mon, we’re late for dinner.”_

Lexa stared at the object in utter confusion, but once her phone rang a second time, she was forced to forget about the coat. It was either the coat or Anya’s verbal abuse, and the last thing Lexa wanted to do was piss off her sister.

* * *

_“They look ugly…” Lexa muttered low enough for only Clarke to hear._

_“I think they look cute.”_

_“They look cheap.”_

_“Well, Lexa, we don’t have much of a choice,” Clarke rested her hands on her hip and glared at the brunette. “So, either we eat on the floor, or we buy these chairs.”_

_Lexa thought about her options. “What about those lawn chairs over there?”_

_Clarke hardened her gaze._

_She eventually caved. “Okay, fine, fine. We’ll buy the chairs, but I’m not getting that pink one.”_

_“That’s fine, because I’m getting this one,” Clarke said happily as she picked out a blue plastic chair._

_There was brown, black, white, pink, purple, and green. Lexa picked one of the green ones and continued to follow Clarke through Ikea._

Lexa was in the middle of eating breakfast when the memory flooded her mind. She found herself swimming in confusion; there were questions she had, but no answers came to mind.

“Clarke’s chair?” Lexa muttered to herself. She looked down at her lap and saw the blue plastic. It was worn out, and there were small cracks on the arm rest. The green one next to her was in the same condition.

* * *

She had not once touched the six books on the bookshelf. In time, she filled the bookshelf with her own books, but never once opened the ones that were already occupying the shelf.

She found herself staring at them when she went to bed and when she woke up, but she never opened them. She never knew why she was fascinated with them, or why she always felt the urge to open them. She figured they were simply old stories she’s read before.

Two were cook books, one was of the sci-fi genre, and the other three were love stories. Three of the four books had dents and white lines in their bindings, which meant she problem read them before. The fourth book, ‘The Princess and the Huntress’, was untouched. It looked new.

Lexa let her curiosity get the better of her; she approached the bookcase and slipped her finger on top of the book. She slid it out with ease and flipped it over to read the synopsis. It was a love story about a princess that lived in a castle and a huntress that lived in the woods; despite the two having different backgrounds, they fell in love, but their love could not conquer the rising conflict between their people.

The synopsis peaked Lexa’s interest in the story, and as she thumbed through the first few pages, she saw a bookmark fall to the floor. As she began to read the first few sentences of the first chapter, she bent over to pick up the piece of paper. She didn’t realize what was on it until she saw the pictures out of the corner of her eye.

What she thought was a bookmark wasn’t a bookmark. It was pictures of her and Clarke. They looked happy, as if they were in love. She couldn’t remember where the pictures were from, but it was obvious it was from a photo booth. Maybe it was from a carnival. It didn’t have a date on it.

The first photo was Lexa and Clarke smiling.

The second was Lexa, leaning on Clarke’s shoulder with a content expression, and Clarke with a huge, open mouthed, smile on her face.

The third was Lexa blushing as Clarke kissed her on the cheek. As her eyes traced the picture, her mouth fell open; she couldn’t explain why, but her heart felt heavy, as if she were missing something important, something she should’ve never forgotten in the first place.

As her eyes drifted to the fourth and final picture, a sharp knock was heard from her front door. Lexa’s head peaked out from her bedroom right before a second knock echoed throughout the apartment. Lexa closed the book and placed it on the dining room table, along with the pictures.

“Mrs. Griffin.”

Abby enveloped Lexa almost immediately. “Hello, Lexa.”

Lexa smiled as she hugged the older woman. “It’s good to see you.”

“Oh, it’s so good to see you, too.” She released the brunette and dropped a couple bags into the kitchen.

“I had the impression Clarke was going to be brining me food tonight.”

Abby gave her a solemn look, one that Lexa knew all too well. “You know how Clarke is when she’s working. She has a long shift tonight and said she wouldn’t be able to stop by, so she asked me to get you something from your favorite Mexican restaurant.”

Although Lexa was disappointed to hear the news, she was also grateful for Abby’s visit. “Thank you. How much do I owe you for the food?”

“Oh, please,” Abby waved her hand at her. “You don’t owe me anything.” Lexa nodded in thanks. Abby removed her gloves and looked around the apartment in astonishment. “Oh man, I haven’t been here in a long time.”

“Yeah, it’s getting pretty old though.” Lexa removed some of the boxes of food from the bags.

Abby began to laugh. “I remember when Clarke was so excited about this place. She wouldn’t stop talking about it for days. I thought it was too early, but Clarke insisted on you two buying the place.”

Lexa’s face fell. “What?”

Abby stared at her blankly. “What?”

“Clarke said this was my apartment…” She paused. “You said Clarke and I bought this place.”

Abby then realized her mistake. It had been three weeks since Lexa was released from the hospital and she had forgotten about Clarke’s specific instructions, as per the doctor’s. _Oh shit._

“I meant you—you were so excited. I must’ve gotten you and Clarke confused.” Abby tried to spew as much bullshit as she could to cover up her tracks. “I always get you and Clarke mixed up. You’re like a second daughter to me.”

But, Lexa wasn’t buying any of it. All of the memories, no matter how small or brief they were, had Clarke in them. They were all of her and Clarke.

Lexa didn’t need to look at the last picture to realize what vital piece of information she was forgetting.

“Please, Mrs. Griffin. Please don’t lie to me,” Lexa pleaded; her voice was rough and so full of heartache. “Please.”

* * *

Clarke bumped her hip against the front door as she carried a box of Chinese take-out. “Hello?” She said loudly as she entered the apartment. “Hey, Lex, sorry about the other day.” She set the box on the dining table, right next to a forgotten book. “I brought your favorite food to make up for it, though.” She began to unpack the box. “I hope you like orange chicken. Mrs. Young missed her favorite customer and gave us an extra carton of fried rice and orange chicken, and packed a bag full of fortune cookies.”

Out of her corner of her eye, she saw Lexa standing at the threshold of the bedroom.

Clarke’s head snapped up to gaze at the brunette. “Oh, hey. Ready to eat?” Her face fell when she realized how pissed Lexa looked. “Lex?” She paused. “Everything okay?”

Lexa had her arms crossed against her chest; her eyebrows were furrowed and her eyes were a darker shade of green. She looked absolutely pissed.

“When…” She muttered angrily. “…When were you going to tell me?”

Clarke pleaded innocence. “Tell you about what?”

Lexa didn’t hold her feelings back. “That we’re together!” She threw the strip of photo booth pictures at the blonde. They fell at her feet and on the last picture was her and Lexa, sharing an intimate kiss. Clarke’s arm was around her, pulling her in, and Lexa was smiling against Clarke’s lips, trying hard not to laugh.

Clarke’s mouth fell; she remembered the entire evening. They weren’t at a carnival or a fair. They were at a food festival, and instead of buying ice cream to end the night, they ended up spending the last of their cash on a photo booth.

She remembered them laughing as they took turns looking at the pictures.

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you, too, Clarke.”_

Clarke felt all of her bottled up emotion burst inside of her: pain, anguish, sorrow, sadness, frustration, and loneliness. She was on the brink of crying.

The day she got the call from the hospital was the day she lost her girlfriend. It was the day she felt her whole world was disappearing.

“Lexa—“

“Why, Clarke!?” Lexa yelled. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me!?”

Clarke’s body shook from the pain as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Lexa unraveled her arms. “This whole fucking apartment is _us_ , Clarke! And I didn’t even find that out by myself. You said this was _my_ apartment, but your mom said it was _ours_. Tell me the fucking truth, Clarke!” Tears fell from her eyes. “Tell me!”

She stayed silent. She didn’t know what to say. She was too stunned from the ache in her heart to say anything.

“That spoon—that navy blue coat in my closet—those fucking chairs!” Lexa pointed to the chairs. “All of this—all of this is _us_. You. And me. And you didn’t have the heart to tell me the truth!”

“How could I, Lexa!?” Clarke shouted back, leaving Lexa mildly surprised. “How could I tell you the truth after what happened to you? You didn’t remember anything! We’ve been together for three years— _three_ fucking years— and you remember everything _but_ our relationship!” She paused to catch her breath. Neither one of them held back the tears. “You—“ Clarke cut her words short to gather her thoughts. She always hated fighting with Lexa. The shouting and arguing never appealed to her.

After a few seconds, Clarke was able to calm herself down.

“Do you remember what you said in the hospital?” Clarke murmured.

Lexa had to take a moment to think.

“Lincoln and Octavia asked you what day it was and you said July 10th.”

“2012,” Lexa finished.

“July 17th, 2012,” Clarke began. “It was two months after you and Costia broke up. You like to walk around town to clear your head and I happened to be walking around town at the same time, right after a horrible date.” Clarke half-laughed from the remembrance. “We bumped into each other on the way and I told you about my terrible day. I told you what happened, how he made me pay for the food, and how he ditched me at the baseball game for some other girl.” Clarke paused and smiled. “I thought I was incapable of being loved, but you yelled at me. You told me I was. You told me I deserved to be loved, just like everyone else, and you said you’d prove it that night. You took me to my favorite Italian restaurant, you took me to the park and bought me ice cream, and then you rushed me to an art gallery half an hour before it closed.”

Lexa suddenly remembered that day.

“We went on an official date a couple weeks later. And a few months into the relationship I asked you when you knew you were in love with me, and you told me – that day – that specific day – July 17th – was the day you knew you.” Clarke let a tear roll down her cheek. “And you didn’t remember any of it.” She clutched at the fabric of her sweater, right above her heart. “It’s like I lost you, Lexa… like I lost my girlfriend – the one person I loved the most – and it felt like you were never coming back.” She struggled to say the words and had to force them out through choked sobs.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered as she slowly approached her. “Why do you think you lost me?”

“Because you—“

“Because I didn’t remember?” Lexa could see the sorrow in Clarke’s soft blue eyes, and all she wanted to do was kiss it away. She wanted to kiss away all the pain and hold her close until she fell asleep. “Clarke, what makes you think that was the _only_ day I knew I was in love with you?” Lexa beamed at her. “I’ve been in love with you since we were in High School.”

Clarke’s mouth fell open in surprise and confusion. “What?”

Lexa took Clarke’s face in her hands and wiped the tears away with the pads of her thumbs. “I fell in love with you when you kicked Finn in the shin for taking my lunch and making fun of me.” They both let out a small laugh. “I’ve fallen in love with you more times than I could ever count.”

Clarke leaned into Lexa’s hands; she missed the feeling of her soft hands on her skin. “But, you never said anything…”

“Why would I?” Lexa laughed as tears continued to fall. “You were my best friend. I thought you didn’t share the same feelings.”

Clarke instantly broke down; tears streamed down her face as she crumbled against Lexa’s embrace. She hugged Lexa as tight as she could and let out choked sobs against her t-shirt. She choked out Lexa’s name between apologies, but Lexa took none of them. Clarke had nothing to apologize for. Although there were multiple arguments for what Clarke could’ve done the moment Lexa was released from the hospital, none of them were wrong.

“I love you,” Clarke said with puffy eyes and damp cheeks.

Lexa tucked a blonde strand behind her ear, just before she leaned in for a kiss. “I love you, too, Clarke.”

After a few life affirming make-out sessions and much needed make-up sex, the two talked about everything: how Clarke felt like she couldn’t breathe during those three weeks without her, how she moved all of Lexa’s clothes from their current apartment to their old apartment, how Clarke was supposed to pick up her from work for dinner the night she got into the car crash (but couldn’t due to conflicts at work), and how Clarke blamed herself for what happened.

Lexa, of course, never blamed her. And she made sure Clarke didn’t either.

She promised to take Lexa to her favorite places in hopes that she’d remember bits and pieces, and eventually be able to put them together. Despite Clarke’s attempts, Lexa was not able to regain all of her memory.

Not yet.

Lexa woke up one morning and instantly broke out into a smile when she saw the blonde curled against her side. And that’s when she remembered – all of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi (or yell at me) @ tripnskip.tumblr


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